My Hero

by Tumelo Bettina Tab.

As I ponder the love that I saw in his eyes, A Godly love, given without compromise.... I recall many times that he stood by my side, And prodded me on with great vigor and pride. His voice ever confident, firm and yet fair, Always speaking with patience, tenderness and care. The power and might of his hands was so sure, I knew there was nothing we couldn't endure. It's true, a few others provided insight, Yet, he laid the foundation that kept me upright. He's the grandest of men to have lived on this earth, Although he's not royal by stature or birth. He's a man of great dignity, honor and strength. His merits are noble, and of admirable length. He's far greater than all other men that I know, He's my Dad, he's my mentor, my friend and hero.

LOOK AT YOURSELF NOW

“Long but worthy a read and a share for all my friends out there because it carries a lot of sense”

Now look at yourself! You’re pretending that you're fine but seriously you aren’t. You go to work, you visit friends, you go to the beach, clubs, cinema, gym… you participate in all the spots activities you know, you play all the games on your computer and phone, you go to school, campus, church, you watch movies, you make yourself busy with your phone by calling friends, playing games and logging onto Facebook, you chat with friends, update your status but you are not happy at heart. You’re hurting depressed, disappointed and hurting inside. You laugh out loud and pretend that you're dandy but something is eating you up inside. You have wounds at heart. Every day that goes by you try to be strong but there's some force that is making you get weak, You try to fight it but all in vain. It keeps on enlarging the scars you have at heart. You tell your friends and family that you are fine but seriously you aren't.

Everything you look at, the music that plays on your radio, on your laptop, iPod, phone... Just reminds you of that person who is no longer part of your life, The snaps h/she gave you, the gifts… all just reminds you of that person who left you with no clear explanation, The places you pass by when you are going for work and studies all just reminds you of him/her because you would stop by in them in the evening hours and have some good time.

Now your life is so hard, you’re trying to forget that person, to live your life, Your brain is telling you that you will find someone better but your heart is telling you that h/she will never be like that person. H/she won’t be with the same loving heart like HIS/HERS. Now you’re confused, you don’t know what to do because you can’t do without that person who made you realize what TRUE LOVE is however much you try to pretend. You meet new stylish dudes and babes but they don’t make you feel special like how that person did. You’re trying to love someone else but things aren’t the same, you don’t have feelings for him or her. You’re just forcing your heart that’s why things aren’t working out. Your heart belongs to that special person you left or who left you. Seriously you miss that person so much; you miss his/her jokes, dances, smooches, touches, messages, calls, voice… H/she taught you how to love, to be faithful, caring, patient, hardworking but s/he is no more. H/she would speak right to your heart, would make you feel special, was your everything but now you are all alone. He isn’t part of you. She is not yours now…( Sometimes you log onto Facebook hoping to find at least a poke, a message, or a like on your status from them, You pray at least one day you get a text or a beep on your phone from them but all in vain. :(

But I tell you what my friends, that’s what love does and we can’t escape it. It was meant to be for everyone. No one who will never be hurt, you’re in a good relationship right now but one day you will also be heart broken. That is the process of love, today you’re happy, and praising your man or woman but time will come and you will see him or her as a stranger. I am not saying you decrease the love, just be careful ready for everything. If you are heart broken right now, please be strong, you will raise up again, I know right now you hate love because of all that you’re going through or what you went through but you will love again one day, someone will come into your life and makes you realize why you separated with your Ex. You won’t be single forever; the best is in your way. Don’t feel so low coz that is not the end of your love story. You got to play another crucial part which will be you last. And if you still have hope to get back to your Ex don’t lose it, just give it time. If you still have a chance of asking for forgiveness because of the wrongs or mistakes you did please do because it’s never too late for you, if you apologized and you weren’t forgiven then relax and give it time. If h/she was meant to be yours, trust me he or she will be no matter how many years go by. If you’re the one that h/she apologized to but you refused to FORGIVE that person, please think twice and you forgive him or her no matter you will never accept that person back in your life. Remember you are also not perfect; you may also go wrong somewhere one day. How will it feel when you are not forgiven?
Last but not the least, Please when you happen to fall in love again, Love, hope and trust but NOT TOO MUCH, because that TOO MUCH will HURT you SO MUCH one day.

OUR DAILY CONVERSATION

Do you want to speak? Pause a minute and think about what your usual conversations have been like. What is the subject of most of your discussions? The words spoken earlier or yesterday, did they edify, bless and save? Is your speech profitable to others? Do you talk too much and not give opportunity for others to speak? Do your words build others up or pull them down? Is there any benefit people derive from them? Above all, do your words glorify God? If we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that much of our conversation is nothing more than empty talk.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ has warned against speaking idle words. In Matthew 12:30-34, we are told that God takes notice of every word we say, even that which we ourselves do not notice. Vain and idle talk is a product of a vain and idle heart; they are unprofitable and not pleasing to God Almighty. If something does not qualify for meditation, it does not qualify for conversation. If it does not qualify for your mind, it does not qualify for your mouth. Therefore, make these words of David your prayer, “Set a guard O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3).

TO MY COUSINS

TUMI (me)

Last year I lost my dad, nothing seemed easy I saw the world crushing down on me I couldn’t help it but just cry and wishing could have done something to help my dad. I woke up and never saw any reason for being awake; whenever somebody asked how I was doing I couldn’t answer them either because it didn’t know I felt at that time. When you have lost someone you were so close to and really loved it’s never easy to get over the fact that you never going to see them around the house, you will never see them smiling or talking to you again. Nothing seems fair either, you will ask yourself this questions over and over again “why him of all people, where was I when he took his last breath, how did it happen, God is it fair, why us and how are we going to live without him around?” You will wish for so many things in day you will never realise it,” I wish I could have done something, I should have been the one died at least, he deserved to live more than anyone, he was such a good person and wish he could have lived longer, wish I could have been somebody else and you will hope, regret and feel all kinds of emotions.  It’s like they have just disappeared out of thin air. When the reality sinks in slow but showily you start realising they are really gone. When I saw my dad car just packed there for days without moving, when I felt I should call dad because he always made me laugh, when I felt that when I cook the plates where so less on the table and one plate was missing, when I came home from work and found out that no one is sitting on the desktop checking his emails and finishing his work, when I was not feeling well and nobody would carry me to bed or  slept on the couch, when I stayed home for the whole weekend without travelling/ going for adventure somewhere in the bush. When no one told me not to worry about anything because my future is financially stable, when I failed to something and he would just offer to do it for me, when I woke in the morning and nobody would ask me to start the car so it can warm, check the oil and wash the windscreen, and just wipe of the dust on the car, when I spend the whole week without hearing any jokes or laughter around the house.

 That when I knew he was gone forever, and life will not be the same again I had to grew up from this 20 something year old daddy little girl to such a strong, independent lady that I thought I would never be anytime soon. I had to because my little sisters where looking up to me when I cried they did cry, when I woke in the morning and sit down all day crying they did the same, when I smiled and laughed at what my dad use to say that when they knew the future was bright. I stopped worrying and got up to be the man of the house, I was never ready to take that stand because I was never prepared for it, and I never imagined my world without dad. My future had dad, I pictured dad taking me down the aisle on my wedding day, I pictured him taking my kids for all the adventures he took us to,  I pictured him  teaching his grand children how to fix or service a car DIY like he said. We were only ladies but he treated us like ‘she-males’ he used to say. He allowed us to be his little girls and also be one of his boys. I remember when he said “Since God didn’t give me boys, then I will train my girls to be like boys” he meant every word. He also allowed us to be girls or angels, princesses he used to call us. On weekends he would say boys lets go for an adventure, he would drive through the bush and we would just explore nature, just to get out the city for a while. We ate wild berries, see all kinds of wild animals, he would teach us how he used to climb trees as a small boy, and he would tell jokes and we would laugh so much until we get sick or stomach pains and that didn’t stop him from saying all those funny stories from the past. When we got back home he would put on loud music and sing along while he was driving he would dance, and sing along at the same time. Being so tired from all the fun we had at the bush I would just be sitting at the back of the van and looking at him through the mirror and just ask myself where does he gets all the energy and just thank God for giving me such a great dad and just laugh at his dancing and singing. He would ask us to dance and sing along with him and promised he will get us pizza on the way home.

Now we just say all this like folktales, he wouldn’t want to see us miserable all day and stopped living our lives. He wants to see us smiling and laughing again. He always wanted to see us happy and loving life like he did. My dad never lets anything get him down, bad or good day there is nothing like that… he would say “there is nothing like a bad day; because bad day gives you experience and able to learn something about yourself and good day gives you happiness.” The way he lived his life is the way he would want us to do exactly the same and even more. He taught us a lot and we never realised it until he was gone. He gave us all the love, so passed the love to out cousins, friends, neighbours and everyone around us. When other dads asked how he raises us he would just say I “I don’t raise a child I teach my kid to raise one another” people never got that but we did. He taught me and Patricia everything he wanted us to know so we can teach my other two little sisters, that way he would not repeat the same thing. Even though we made our few changes it was never wrong. We treasured ever moment we had with dad, he made us to be strong and we now look forward to the future with a smile and knowing that no matter what challenges we face in life always stay positive “storms don’t last forever” I quote. We will always remember him, and he build such a strong loving relationship with lot of people and they are now looking at us and make bets when they see us around “I bet those are Mr Tabona’s daughters” they say because they see dad in us. I can also look at my sister and say “damn there goes dad again” strong, positive, independent and full of life.

All I am trying to say to you guys is losing your dad is never easy but making the best of what he taught you is the greatest thing you could do for him. Grieving has stages but when you finally realise that, indeed you are on the healing process you will cry, laugh and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. You would do things like he watching you, you will laugh smile like he was there with you. Whenever you feel so down because it will happen at some point, or feel like you not looking forward for tomorrow without your dad know that it is part of healing all you have to do is to have self-discipline. Tell yourselves that no matter what I will bet through this, there are friends you can talk to, relatives, cousins who can always be there for you when you need then, but they will be times when you just want to shut that door and be left alone but do not shut is forever it is part of healing process. Whenever somebody ask me how did I make it this far, or how did I finally come into terms that I lost my dad forever I just tell them “I may have lost him but I know he is up there looking at me and he wants to see me this happy and living life to the fullest.”

I love you guys

Bettina T Tabona

ITS NEVER TOO LATE........

BETTINA TUMELO (me)

“I dedicate this to all my female friends out there & all the guys who are currently getting dumped by their girlfriends for no good clear reasons”

Hey LADIES,
You should know this. There's another girl out there who would be glad to take your boyfriend off your hands if she could & honestly, why shouldn't she? It seems like you don't even want to be with him anymore. You're acting less like a girlfriend every day. You don't text him like you used to & when you do, there's no emotion in it like there was before. You don't wanna be all sweet like you used to be with him, holding hands & having long embraces with him. You don't feel like making out like you did when you first met him, now you keep on giving him many excuses all the time. It even feels different when you touch him because it doesn't have the same passion like it used to. When you meet him you no longer give him those romantic looks. You’re now so secretive and always on a rush. You are totally changed seriously. I mean, if you're bored, why are you still with him? Why waste his time if you are seeing someone else? Why do you still want to keep him around as a fool yet you already moved on? He needs a girl who can be consistent with giving him the attention & affection a guy needs. He expects this from you, not another girl. Will it feel good when another girl replaces you and loves your boyfriend right? If you really love him and you don’t want to lose him then love him without measure, fight his imperfections and weaknesses, love him the way you found him, don’t change him because he won’t be real and pure. If you really feel that your boyfriend is the love of your life, chase him, don’t allow him go when he is hurt yet he possesses your love.

Fine you maybe with some temporary swag that you will replace him but hey you will never replace all those small moments you shared with him. You will never get someone with the same heart like his. Many loaded men maybe on your neck promising you this and that, but they are just blinding you my dear. They don’t have true love; they are all after one thing. And when it’s done they will be off in search for their right belongings. They’re with you to pass time and to be relieved from their stress. They will never stick around with you for years and bear all your weaknesses like how your guy used to be. They only consider you as their side dishes, pain killers, fucking machines and many more funny names. ALWAYS FIGHT FOR WHAT YOUR HEART WANTS. NEVER ALLOW SMALL THINGS TAKE YOU OFF TRUCK FROM WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN KEEPING FOR SO LONG. Think about it but most especially YOU.

TUMELO BETTINA TABONA...

NOTE 2012

BETTINA TUMELO TABONA

TUMELO BETTINA TABONA

I can’t say I am proud of my life, but i can say I am proud that I have learned some few things of life. I’ve learned that i can’t rely on everyone around me because some are only acting like parasites. I can’t guarantee that I will be able to walk around with a smile all the years of my life, but i know where I have been, where I am going and what I want in life. I know who i am and my weaknesses. I know who are my real friends and those who are pretending to be my friends yet they are my enemies wanting to bite me with their poisonous tongues. I have been with many challenges and am still facing more of them but in Jesus’ name I know they will be no more prior the end of 2013. I have not been the best lover but I know God will change me and I don’t repeat the same mistakes. 

But for all those that I may have wronged this year, i kindly ask for your forgiveness please. It wasn’t intentional. All those that I may have helped in one way or the other, I wish I did more… but am sorry I failed. To all those I neglected to help, I ask for your understanding please and for all those who have helped me, I sincerely thank you so much and Not forgetting those who have showered me with their LOVE & CARE in the year 2012. I love you all but most especially that special person holding my delicate heart. Please thanks for being there for me all the time, understanding me, caring and loving me the way I am. Never get tired of forgiving me because am not perfect at all. I will also do my best to love you patiently and to always be there for you. 

I conclude by saying that, don’t lose hope, keep trying, have belief and pray more to God. He will rescue you from the hands of your hungry enemies. He will transform your life, He wipe away your tears and even turn your problems to be History. You will be the happiest person with time. Don’t give up because the best is not so far from you… Commit your heart and your problems in the hands of God; He will pay you back with endless happiness.
 May 2013 be a year of achieving what you have not achieved in 2012 

Wish You Were Here

Six long months since my dear dad passed away, l dedicate this to him. l cherish the past we shared but miss the future we will not have......

LEVION JIMMY TABONA (daddy)

Six months have passed
I’ll never forget the day
Someone rang to tell me
That you’d gone away

The hurt is the same
Like an open wound
There are days
I don’t utter a sound

Some days the pain is stronger 
It makes me sick and weak
I can’t stand this much longer
I just sit here and weep

I’ve shut my private door
And let no one in
Locking myself in a box
They try, but I won’t give in

You were like a rock
Strong, faithful and true
What worth has my life 
Now I don’t have you

I was your first born
Daddy’s little girl
I took my own path
But was still part of your world

I was not the best
Guilty of neglect
But you know daddy dearest
I had so much respect

I always loved you
My dad, my star
Now my pain is
To worship you from afar

I love you now
As I did back then
I just hope... one day
I will see you again

I am so proud of you 
Brave and strong to the end
Now when asked “how are you?”
There is no need to pretend

We all love and miss you so much, sleep well 
and take care of all who went before you

Forever in my heart 

xoxo